Juegos.com-Trabajo-Empleo | Six Things You Need to Know in Talking With Your Parent - On Death and Dying
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Most children of aging parents will find themselves making healthcare decisions for their parents. Even when their parent has completed a living will and an advanced medical directive, there will still be decisions to be made. This is because the advanced medical directive cannot possibly anticipate every medical condition that may occur and because most elderly patients at some point will be too weak to make their own decisions.
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Most children as decision makers will have little knowledge of the aging process and the medical choices associated with that process. It can be intimidating and confusing when one hears conflicting and complex medical information especially with a critically ill parent in the hospital. In addition to lacking knowledge of medical issues, we face the emotional component of the decision which is acknowledging that our parent is declining and may die soon. It is very normal to deny how ill our parent may be and to avoid facing it because it is so emotionally painful. This lack of basic medical knowledge, coupled with our denial, however, can lead us to make poor decisions that we come to regret years after our parent has died. It robs us of the opportunity to have final conversations with our parents that allow old misunderstandings to be voiced and forgiven, memories and history to be shared and true connection to be achieved.
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Our denial is an important mechanism that we use to protect ourselves from feeling overwhelmed by our emotions. For a time, it can help us to get through the demands of the day. If used for too long a time,however,it can rob us of living what time remains with our loved one. We may miss the opportunity to make plans that assure their comfort. Even worse than that, it can result in the loss of many important shared moments that may sustain us long after they are gone.
The participants in this research study identified six components of a good death. The first wish voiced by the patients was that their pain and symptoms be controlled. They feared dying in pain and experiencing shortness of breath. The participants were assured that pain and shortness of breath can be easily controlled with medication. Their second wish was to have the communication that allows them to participate in decision making. The participants said that unexpected medical situations had occurred with their illness previously causing decisions to be made in a crisis situation. The patients felt very empowered when they were informed that their condition was changing and they were able to participate in treatment decisions. It can be helpful for children to have conversations with their elderly parent helping the child to understand what the parent’s wish may be when their condition worsens. For example, would they want to receive artificial feeding or fluids if they were imminently terminal? Where would they want to be in their final days of life? The third wish of the patients in the study was to be better prepared for death.
They wanted to know what to expect during the course of their illness and they wanted to plan for events that would occur after their death such as planning their funeral. The fourth wish was that they would die with a sense of completion. This wish involved faith issues, life review, resolving conflicts, spending time with family and saying goodbye. Issues of faith, although highly individual, were often described as important in their healing process at end of life. The fifth wish was that the dying person wanted to contribute to the well being of others. They wanted to continue to share their time and knowledge and to be of use to others. Finally, the patients wanted not to be viewed as a patient with a disease but rather to be affirmed as a whole person, unique in their life, values and preferences.
Losing someone is painful. We never feel prepared for the loss. But research shows that those of us who do confront the reality of a loved one’s impending death will emotionally do better after they are gone. We will have the opportunity to share in their journey and assure that they are comfortable. In our care giving, we will have the chance to thank them for the gifts that they have given us in this life. Finally, we will have time to say goodbye and to let them go with love. you can be published without charge. You can to republish this article in your website or blog. Please provide links Active.